From the moment we take that test and see the positive sign +, our hearts are overwhelming with emotions.
Whether you planned the special event or just “got lucky”, it’s one of those moments in our lives that we begin to Pause, Panic and go Silent.
Pause in the effort ok this is real we/I am having a child, whether it’s your first, second or third the pause is always there.
For the first it was Can I do this? Am I ready? I haven’t even thought about what would happen? Even if it is planned that moment you find out your mind and body react. It takes in the information and you react. For some it may be a panic reaction, Ex: Kayleigh just started first grade, and Adam is still in diapers scenario.
How about my sister left me with my niece for an hour and I was so exhausted scenario. So many past experiences , present and future scenarios that cause Panic. But they pass and then there is the silence, time to take it all in “the let’s not tell anyone phase”, usually this is brought on by superstition or wanting to wait to you see the OBGYN and get through the first trimester. Whatever the case it’s your silent stage.
Your initial confirmation! Sitting in the cold sterile room in that awful paper gown where your legs are wide open straddled in stir-ups. Can this get any more humiliating, there comes the Dr. and you gasp for air because you feel vulnerable with your stuff all out.
When was your last menstrual period? You know you filled out the paper work, told the nurse as well but you still have to repeat yourself. Ok she begins to examine and mumbles you are trying to hear as she is feeling your cervix.
In that short moment she confirms, and tells you take a deep breath and tells you to turn to a screen. And right at that moment you no longer feel exposed or vulnerable, you look over at a mere spot, shadow but you know that is your child! You begin to hear the beat of life, the purest sound of love.
Your fears are not completely diminished, but your hopes are heighten by the very thought your child is growing in side you and that is a defining moment that all you do will ever do is for this little spot that will soon become two legs, two arms a head a whole little person.
Not only will this little person be out in the world, but will mimic you and will depend on you.
Your heart is contained with emotions, and they never stop. Parenting is one of the most rewarding and one of the most valuable lessons we will ever experience. The ability to selflessly care for someone else, the experience to put someone before yourself. The unconditional love, tears and fears all in one lifetime.
The moments are unmeasurable by any moment you will ever experience. What you will learn from your child/children will mark permanent scars in your heart. These are not the scars that need to heal these are the kind that remind us of life, all that is good and all that is possible.
So if at one point in your life you were so afraid of roller coasters, and avoided them at all cost. I am here to tell you Parent Hood will be one of the most exhilarating, sometimes exhausting and yet for filling rides you will ever take.
And when you think that ride is over because your kids are grown and you believe they do not need you anymore.
You are needed and even more than you ever imagined, because your baby is now having a baby and that is what keeps you in this ride.
We are given gifts that make us selfless and teach us that every moment, every opportunity is one that will matter and we will always be important!!!
Here is too learning to ride that roller coaster!!
Dedicated to my daughter who will experience motherhood.
Circle of life!
Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you’ve been asking me
I think you know what I’ve been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away
Goodnight, my angel
Now it’s time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I’m rocking you to sleep
The water’s dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You’ll always be a part of me.
Billy Joel -lullaby Good Night my Angel
Mom, Grandma and friend!
Simply from the heart.
Katherine Seda ❤️